Heed
by Mayme
Summary: Sometimes you must heed to those things that you thought were right while heeded to the things you thought were wrong. NS, but kinda dark.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own anything relating to CSI or it's affiliates. I am merely a fan whose would like to take already established characters into a story of my own rendering.

Heed

Chapter 1 Heed the Call

Sometimes every lonely heart needs to feel complete. It needs the desire to combine with another in pure bliss and disregard the consequences. It needs to feel real and whole. It needs love.

Sadly, for some the only companion hearts one sees are those with whom they work with. For Sara Sidle, the Las Vegas crime lab served as her job, home, social playground, and singles bar. Like any other woman, she often felt a bond with the coworkers she spent the majority of her waking hours with. Some she felt a sisterly bond to, others a brotherly. Some she convinced herself it was more than a sibling feeling she felt. The respect she had for her boss Gil Grissom often became confused with the word love. Did she love Grissom or admire him. He was practically the main reason she was a CSI anyway. Deep down she knew, after all this time, that even if for one passionate night they merged into one, it could never be love. Grissom did not love Sara. She did not pose an intellectual curiosity for him that others had provoked. He needed more than a common bond a good sex. He needed fulfillment that ran deeper than any kiss Sara could give him.

It's amazing what a bottle of Tequila after coming home from an eye opening night could do for one's thoughts and hopes and dreams. Yes, Jose was the kick back into reality that Sara needed. Watching a family grieve for a sister murdered by her long time friend who loved her had made Sara think. He couldn't handle just being friends anymore and confessed his love. But it was no happy ending as she told him she could never love him as anything more than a friend. Not able to live without her as his lover, he shot her, then himself like a twisted Romeo who instead of dying for love, died for rejection. After wrapping up the case, she handed her report to Grissom and deciding to take one last chance. Rather than beating around the bush, she came out and told him how she felt and needed an answer.

"I don't know what to say Sara." replied a bewildered Grissom, "Why is it so urgent you know now."

Sara sighed and bowed her head. She knew it was over. Looking into his blue eyes she had coveted for so long she said, "Because you just gave me my answer. I couldn't go on anymore without knowing. At least I know." She turned and left. She needed a drink.

She also needed to get laid.

Laughing in her stupor, Sara realized that she had sexual needs that she'd allowed herself to hold back. But in the end, she was a hot-blooded woman who sometimes wanted to just forget the rules of love and get into the pants of a hot-blooded man for one night without regrets or regard. Stumbling to her feet, Sara clumsily sauntered to her bedroom to change into something sexy and dangerous. She was out for meat tonight come what may. Standing before her closet clad in only panties and a bra, her cell phone rang.

Damn. Nothing sobers up one faster than a cell phone call that you know is about to kill your buzz anyway. Stumbling over to the nightstand, she picked up the phone, seeing the caller id as Grissom, answered in her most professional voice she could muster. "Sidle." Sara was never surprised at how a drunk can slur one syllable.

"Sara, it's Grissom." He never took notice of when she was drunk on the the phone. "I know it's your night off, but I need all hands. Mass murder in the desert. From the ways the bodies are arranged, it looks to be a cult killing. Might be suicide but we need you here ASAP."

"OK, let me change." There goes the slurs. The buzz was almost gone.

"Good. Nick said he's stop by to pick you up on his way out here since I think your truck's still in the shop." He sounded distracted.

"OK, I'll be ready in five minutes."

"He'll probably be there sooner." With than Grissom ended the call. No goodbye, no apologies. Nothing.

Sara moved as if she'd never drank a drop of booze that night. Rushing to the bathroom she splashed her face with watch and touched up her makeup and hair. Moving back to her closet, she picked out jeans and a button down top. It was always best to be as comfortable as you could in the desert. Adding a belt and some slip on shoes she slipped her utility vest on just as her doorbell rang. Picking up her weapon and wallet, she opened the door to Nick Stokes, he partner and coworker closest to her age. He too was dressed for the night in tight jeans, a black t-shirt, cowboy boots, and his own CSI vest. He'd recently grown his hair out a bit and it was obvious that he'd been asleep when he'd gotten the call.

Smiling, he held up a hand to wave. "Well good evening Ms Sidle. You do look lovely and ready to process bodies."

"You solved your last case didn't you." Nick was always a bit more cheerful than usual when he was able to give families closure.

"Why yes I did. Now let's open up a new one!"

"I hate you." Sara said as she furrowed her brow while walking out the door and following Nick to his Denali.

Opening the door her Sara, he snuck around the back of the vehicle to the drivers side and slid in. Looking over at his partner, his smile grew when she smiled back. In her hand was the coffee he'd bought her on his way. Just the way she liked it. Sara took a sip as Nick started the engine. "Now I know you secret." Sara said with a sneaky smile creeping across her lips. Nick loved it when she smiled. It was a shame they worked together, but he vowed never to date anyone from work. Still, he loved to flirt with her and to make her smile any way possible,

Sara allowed herself to easily fall into deep conversation with Nick as they headed out the the desert. It was a good forty-five minute drive and between the coffee and talking, Sara was soon sober and ready for work. Nick noticed the change as well. He knew Sara often drank to unwind. So did he, but he always tried to keep himself under the limit in case he had to work. Sara had on occasion come to work hungover or, worse, still intoxicated. It was one of the reasons he'd bought the coffee. They both had been off tonight and he knew she'd be drinking alone just as he had been. But he's stopped at three beers. He'd seen the bottle of Tequila in her living room

It had become quite as they were in between subjects. Sara drank the last of her coffee and Nick cleared his throat. It was now or never. They were almost to the crime scene. Looking over at her, he caught her eye. "How much did you drink tonight?"

Without missing a beat, Sara quickly replied, "I'm sober now. What does it matter?"

"Because it's not the first time." He said quietly. It was time to get it all out. "You only do it when you've either had a bad case or." He paused. It hurt him to confront her but someone had to stop the nonsense "Or when you've talked to Grissom. He's the smartest man I've met when it comes to science." Nick stopped the car and looked at her. "But he's a fool when it comes to life and relationships. You get what I'm saying."

Sara was shocked. Not about the subject, but about who was telling her this. Her guard grew and she became angry. "It's over with us. I confronted him before I got off shift this morning it's over. I see now. Not that it's any of your business who I talk to and what I do on my own time."

"It is when it affects the team. So you gave up one him today. But what about tomorrow? What about tonight? If this case had been in town, you'd have showed up with blood shot eyes and liquor on your breath, just like I found you."

"It was my night off."

"It was mine too but I know when to stop and to know when enough is enough. Being buried alive has taught me to live a little, but not at the expense of others."

Sara couldn't counter. She sat still and silent. He figured her out. He was the only one who figured her out. She looked at his. His face was slightly red and his chest was moving quickly as his heart fought to slow down. Taking another deep breath, he continued when he realized he wasn't going to get a retort from her. "This is all we have. Our lives aren't that exciting outside of this world. Look at us. We're both over thirty with no lives and no families and no hope for the future in the romance department. But we have a family here." He said pointing to the lights illuminating the sky about five miles from where they were. It was the crime scene. Sara hadn't realized how close they actually were. "The least we can do is stick up for each other and comfort each other, not go to the bottom of a bottle every time we have a bad day 'cause let's admit it darlin', we have plenty of bad days."

Sara smiled slightly. "Why are we so screwed up Nick? Why did we choose this life?"

"We like playing with fancy toys and dead bodies."

Sara punch Nick's arm softly and they both chuckled a little. Nick took off his seatbelt and hugged her. He held her close and for a moment, wanted to give in to the desire. Biting his bottom lip, he separated himself from her.

Sara savored the smell of his aftershave and held back a desire to rub her hands over his back until she found the bottom of his shirt. When they parted, she saw he felt it too. Neither wanted what they felt was right. It was too easy to screw up their family. Sara shifted in her seat and looked ahead while Nick re buckled his seatbelt. He switched gears and they quietly finished their drive to the crime scene.

"Finally." We have a lot of work to do." Catherine said as Sara and Nick got out of the vehicle once they reached the crime scene. Catherine followed them to the back of the Denali where they got their kits out and continued to fill them in on what was going on. "This is not good. We have fifty bodies out here. Twenty-five are bound and the other twenty-five are dead right behind them. Looks like mass murder-suicide, but we're thinking murder-murder based on the fact that A: no murder weapons and all victims were stabbed in the chest once, B: the hearts are missing from the first set of victims, and C: It's Grissom's current theory."

"Sounds like fun. Where do you want us?" Nick asked as they strode up the the bodies.

"We've separated into groups of ten." Catherine said pointing to the organized chaos in front of them. "They're taped off in different colors so we know who processed what. Warrick has the yellow group, I have the red, Grissom has the blue, Nick, you've got the orange, and Sara has the green. We've got Greg doing a parameter search and Sophia's offered to help him. Have fun and put a tag on the bodies you're ready for the corner to process when you're done. David, Doc Robbins and some daytime corners are on their way. Have fun."

Catherine went back to work in her area leaving Nick and Sara to head to their's. Sara started to walk away when Nick gently grabbed her arm. "Can we talk some more on the way back?"

"Yeah. We'll talk." Sara replied. Then she smiled, "But I bet I can process faster than you can."

"You're on, Sidle." Nick said holding out his fist. Sara punched his fist with hers, then the two separated to get to work. It was going to be a long night.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own anything relating to CSI or it's affiliates. I am merely a fan whose would like to take already established characters into a story of my own rendering.

Heed

Chapter 2 Heed the Need

Hours went by in an almost eerie silence as the crime team processed the evidence, no one coming up with anything significant The only main conclusion that was drawn was that these people were are young adults, probably in their twenties. The CSIs gathered in a small circle around their vehicles to compare evidence.

"I'm thinking the victims who were bound were obviously murdered first." Catherine spoke up first to start the conversation.

"Yeah, and then it appears they either ate part of the damaged flesh or drank some of the blood." Nick added. "I found a few drops of blood on three of my victims mouths and what appears to be knife marks near the area where the bullet penetrated the skin. David said we'll know more after the autopsies of course but my first guess is that second murders weren't supposed to happen."

"We're not in the business of guessing Nicky." Grissom responded. But his hardened expression softened a little, "But it is definitively a theory worth working provided we get more evidence."

"I think I might have some." Sara chimed in. Nick let out a small sigh. He hated being called out in front of the whole team like that. "I found what appears to be defensive wounds on one of my victims in the second circle. There are also traces of GSR on her foot and I found a bullet hole with a 9mm expire round in it near her. She also has blood under her nails and they've been broken to the quick. If the others died willing, she either changed her mind or was the only one to have fought back."

"We'll see what more Doc Robbins and his team find. Anyone else?" Grissom said, his eyes intense on Sara's she looked away towards Nick who, directly across from her in the small circle of people, gave her a quick wink and looked towards Warrick who spoke next.

"I also found two bullet wounds on one of my vics. All were shot in the head from the back at close range. But one of my vics had a small would on the top of his left shoulder which indicates that either the gun went off prematurely, the gunman was a bad shot, or the victim fought back."

"Or he sneezed the first time." Greg said with a smile. When no one responded or smiled back, Greg cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well, Sophia and I found several 9mm casings all along the parameter. We obviously won't be able to tell if it was more than one weapon until Bobby has a look."

"OK, if that's all we have, then get back to the lab, log your evidence, and get some sleep. Be back by five pm for a meeting. Make sure you have your test results before the meeting. Be careful."

With the meeting ended, Grissom went to Brass and a group of investigators to give their preliminary findings while the others piled into their SUVs to leave the cool desert morning. Sara strode over to the back of Nick's Denali to secure her evidence in the installed lockers. Nick slipped up behind her with his evidence in tow. "Want to get some breakfast?" He said, not looking at her as he secured his own evidence in a locker.

The two worked to store their kits without looking at each other. Then Sara looked up with a tired smile. Nick looked up too and smiled brightly. "Waffles and syrup?"

"You paying?" Sara said coyly.

"Only if you agree to talk to me some more."

Sara's flirtatious smile faded. "Why?" She said as she moved to the passenger side and opened the door to get in. Nick followed suite and got in on the driver's side. When both were buckled in, Nick started the engine and let it warm up for a second.

"Because I drove you here." He said as he put the SUV into gear and drove away from the crime scene. He smiled over at her.

Sara, wanting to just sleep, refused to meet the Texan's stare "That's a bad excuse."

"Because I'm cute." Nick replied as he looked back towards the road.

Sara couldn't hold back a smile anymore. "Now you're just pestering me."

"So are we on for breakfast?"

"Only if you let me sleep."

"What? And me fall asleep at the wheel? I don't think so darlin'. Besides, I thought we were going to talk some more."

Sara's smile faded. She'd hope Nick would forget about their earlier conversation and leave her alone. This obviously wasn't the case and Sara knew it'd be a long drive if they fought. But that didn't mean she was going to give in so easily. "You know, I'm sober now and I don't usually drink when I off. At least not that much. I don't. I just had a bad night."

"Grissom doesn't deserve you. You're too smart and too lively and too beautiful for him." Nick stopped. He'd said too much. He didn't care who she dated. Did he?

"Who are you to tell who? I haven't seen you with anyone of substance lately. You just seem to have become so happy go lucky. All you do is spend time fixing others now like it's become your purpose in life. Didn't being buried alive do anything for you?" Sara stopped. It was her turn to go too far and not only that, she'd gone over the edge.

Without a word, Nick slammed on the breaks and jumped out of the SUV. He walked in front of the headlights with his hands rubbing his face. Sara quickly followed him. She tried to touch his shoulder but he spun around and grabbed her wrist. A small gasp came from her as he moved closer to her body.

"What the hell do you think you know about me, Sara Sidle? What the fuck gives you the right to think you know me and what that hell of a time did to me. You want to know what I thought about down there? Do you?" Nick was livid. He held her wrist tight and stared her down.

Sara was frightened as she struggled to free herself. She looked around to see if any of her coworkers were near to calm him down. _The must have left before we did. I didn't notice. _Sara thought as she scrambled her thought to think of what to say to calm Nick down. "Nick please. You're hurting me."

Nick looked at her with cold eyes. "So? You hurt me! That bastard hurt me. The babysitter hurt me. My stalker hurt me. Everyone hurts me. But I still want to help people! I want to make them feel good because I can't. That's what I thought of while I was down in the dirt. I had to at least help someone cause I sure as hell couldn't help myself. Oh and there is a hell. I've seen it. It lives down the barrel of a gun."

Then they both stopped moving. They only stood there staring at each other in disbelief. Nick let go of Sara, who stepped back several feet, never taking her eyes off of him. He stood erect with his head facing upwards towards the fading stars. "I've seen hell in my life. Things have happened to me that would be the subject of some people's nightmares. I thought at first they were going to consume me, but I couldn't let that happen. When I was buried down there all I wanted was to get out so I could make things right. I thought maybe then I could have some redemption.

"Nick, no one would think any less of you if you had a bad day and let it show." Sara walked a few paces towards her friend, still keeping up her guard.

"Sara, why do you let your demons make you so miserable? If you just let go, you wouldn't have to find comfort in the bottom of a bottle." Still looking at the sky, Sara moved next to him and looked up too.

"I'm not as strong as you, Nick. I would have shot myself that night."

"That's why I went. Because I was strong enough. I had to be strong. I learned from my pain and it made me strong. What has your pain taught you?" Nick was now looking at her. He felt a little self-righteous, but he knew he had a point to make. It was time he let down his last defense.

Sara looked at Nick and for a moment her eyes glazed with a gleam of lust. She wanted to kiss his hard and passionately and forget her problems. But Nick had a point. It would only make her weak. The lust left and so did her stare. "I just hide and hope it won't happen again. That's why I let Grissom go."

"But you replaced him with Tequila. It doesn't work like that. You just let go. Period. Look, I have bad days too, but I just have to relax. I call my family. I go out with my friends. I find my release."

"I run away and drink." Sara whispered to no one in particular.

"Why don't you sleep the rest of the way back. We'll talk over breakfast." Nick's voice had softened and he stood behind her. Sara could feel his breath on her neck. It was warm and soothing. She allowed herself to take it in and smile. Nick noticed the smile and grinned himself. "What?"

"Who said I ever agreed to breakfast?" Sara said smiling and looking east towards the sunrise.

The rest of the drive back to the lab was quite. But the silence wasn't uncomfortable, rather it was comforting. Sara used the time to sleep and dream of her life. Nick used the time to think of Sara and how calm she looked when she slept. It wasn't often he'd seen her look peaceful, but sleep did it for her. He wondered if she was dreaming and what she was dreaming of. He even allowed himself to let his deepest held back thoughts surface for a little while and begin to think if she was dreaming of him.

He watched the sun rise in the rear-view mirror as he made his was into the city limits of Las Vegas. What if they could get past their working relationship? They both had problems. His mom told him on several occasions, especially when he would go home to visit without a girlfriend that it was always easier to be happy when you had someone to share it with.

_I said no relationships with coworkers. _Nick chastised himself. _What if you broke up? What if you got jealous? Especially of Grissom. What if you got rejected? No, we're just friends. I just want to help her. And gaze at her without it being obvious. Besides, she a loaded gun. She goes off at every little thing. We would fight all the time._

Nick steered the Denali into the crime lab parking lot and turned off the engine. He turned to wake her and smiled. _She just needs someone to talk to. I can't deny her my friendship. _He reached over to move a few strands of hair from her face and tucked them loosely behind her ear. She stirred and opened her eyes as she touched his hand. Instead of pulling back, Nick just smiled, "Morning." He whispered. "Ready to log our evidence so we can eat?"

Sara, realizing she was holding Nick hand against her face, straightened herself in her seat and let go of her grasp. Nick slowly brought his hand back to his side of the seat and she smiled quickly, uncomfortably. Catching herself, she opened the door.

It only took about twenty minutes to log their evidence, change into different clothes and meet back at Nick's SUV. "So where are we going, cowboy?"

"Cowboy? I protest. I don't even have my hat on." Nick said in mocked defense. Sara giggled. "So we're going, miss surfer-girl, to this hole in the wall near my place I go sometimes on my way home. They serve a mean waffle."

"Are you going to eat meat?" Sara said with a squeamish look on her face.

Nick laughed out loud. "You're serious?"

Sara didn't have to reply for Nick to know his answer. He ushered her into the SUV and he followed suite. "OK, waffles and biscuits it is!"


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own anything relating to CSI or it's affiliates. I am merely a fan whose would like to take already established characters into a story of my own rendering.

Heed

Chapter 3 Heed the Desperate

Nick was known on occasion to exaggerate. Think of the big fish tale. Sara was always amused to listen to Nick's stories of home and growing up with a large family all around him. He could make a three hour road trip to Houston turn into an epic adventure with dragons, fairies and ugly wart-covered witches (who's parts were usually played by the sister he was most annoyed with at the time).

So when Nick said the phrase "Hole in the Wall", Sara just assumed he was exaggerating. But when they drove up to the place, Sara realized that Nick hadn't exaggerated enough. Nick park the SUV in one of only five parking spots that surrounded a door with a small sign over it: Marty's.

Sara got out of the passager's side and gaped at the place for a minute. "Wow Nick, when you say 'hole in the wall', you really meant it.

"Yes, there are times that I do not lie or stretch the truth." Nick replied as he met her behind the Denali with a coy smile on his face. "But don't worry, Today's Tuesday. Marty has the exterminators out here on Mondays. All the roaches ought to be dead by now." Sara punched him lightly on the shoulder as the two moved towards the entrance.

Inside, Marty's wasn't much to look at, but it was quaint at the same time. Dimly lit, the room was filled with three booths off to the left, two booths to the right and a few tables scattered in between. In the back, there was a short bar and four stools. Off to the right was a small one door entrance to what was probably the kitchen.

There weren't many patrons inside except two men drinking at the bar, and another man drinking alone in the middle booth to the left. Sara looked at Nick who, it turn, ushered her towards the first booth on the right. They sat on either side and both were quiet as a woman approached them. She was in her mid-fifties and was probably really pretty at one time, but a hard life dealing with drugs and drinks and dirty men had made her appearance hard. But one look at Nick, she softened slightly and a small smile crept on her weathered face.

"Well, if it isn't my crime-fighting Nicky." She said with a cracking voice. "It's been a while." She turned to see Sara and she slapped the top of Nick's shoulder. "Brought himself a girl to this joint. It must be love."

The two CSIs turned red and both immediately denied any relationship. Sara started to sink lower into her seat. Nick saw and decided it was time to order. "Sorry, Sugar, but Sara's just a coworker who loves waffles, so naturally I brought her to the best waffle-house in town."

The woman straightened up a bit in pride. "It my own recipe too." But she remembered her customers and pulled out a small pad to write the orders on. "So is it waffles all around or are we having anything else."

"I think we need some strawberries to top and an order of biscuits with lots of jelly. I think pancakes too with syrup on the side. Sara, can you think of anything else?" Nick looked across the booth at Sara, who was staring at the booth's table and trying to figure out how everything was going to fit.

Sara looked up and smiled weakly. "I think that'll do. Otherwise we might bring down the table."

The woman wrote down the orders. "Allrighty, it'll be just a few minutes. I'll bring out a pitcher of orange juice while you wait."

"Thanks, Sugar." Nick replied.

"Sugar?" Sara said with one eyebrow raised.

"It's her name. She said her parents named her that because they thought she looked so sweet. They were miners outside of Reno. She met Marty at the annual Christmas party when she was sixteen. The got married two years later and moved to Vegas to start a restaurant. Turn out Marty's quite the chef. They started out small, kinda like this place and made pretty good money. They opened a new place and even had some hotels wanting Marty's to cook for them." Nick paused for a minute and looked at Sugar, who returned with the orange juice and two crystal glasses that were a bit too fancy for this place.

Nick picked up his glass. "As you can see, they did very well." He looked around to make sure that Sugar and Marty were no where to be seen, then continued, "Sadly, they both got involved with drugs and drinking. They started to run out of money so Sugar started dancing in the back of the restaurant for extra money to keep the place up. Marty found out and was devastated. So he and Sugar went to counseling and rehab. They closed the large restaurant and opened this small joint here about ten years ago and have been here ever since. Marty says it pays the bills and for their son, James, to go to college, so they're happy."

Sara was quiet for a moment. Her thought were consuming her. Nick didn't disturb her and poured himself a glass of juice. Several minutes went by before Sara snapped out of her daydream just in time to see the food arrive. Marty helped deliver the meal and introduced himself to Sara, claiming Nick was the reason James was going to college. Nick just smiled and soon, the older couple moved away.

Nick and Sara ate in a comfortable silence for half the meal, each enjoying the food and the company. Then they started to talk. They spoke of work and cases and Nick spoke of his family and the time he spent as a Dallas police officer.

"So what about the mysterious Sara Sidle?" Nick said in between bites. "Will anyone ever know about her past?"

Again, Sara's mind drifted away. But this time, she spoke of what she saw. "My parents owned a large house that they made into a bed and breakfast. When I was old enough, I started to help out by cleaning the sheets and resetting the rooms. My older brother helped out in the kitchen. My dad could cook like no one else in town. The restaurant they had on the bottom floor was a famous local attraction. It's a shame he could never enjoy it."

"Why?" Nick asked.

"He drank. I suppose my parents' story isn't all that different from Sugar and Marty. Except it was mostly my dad, and not both of them. He drank and started to beat on my mom and brother. I think that's why most of my chores were upstairs. He didn't go there much. He always hit mom and my brother in the kitchen."

Sara was silent as she remembered that fateful night. "One night, my mom had enough. So she picked up a knife and stabbed him. I heard screaming like I'd never heard before and ran downstairs to the kitchen. We had only a handful of guests that night, so it wasn't as many witnesses as it could have been."

"Nick, I saw my mother drop the knife." Sara's eyes widened and her pupils dilated slightly as she remembered. "Two of the men staying in the hotel sepearted her from my dad, who was lying in his blood on the floor. This woman call the police and this elderly couple who stayed once a month found my brother in the cupboard and me standing over my dad and took us to the living room. The police came. It was open and shut. They didn't care it if was self-defense."

Sara's expression change again to a solom look as she finished. "We were taken to foster care and were soon separated. I've hardly seen or spoken to my brother since. I've only visited my mom a few times, but all the counselors advised it would be best if I didn't."

"Wow, that's a lot to handle." was the only response that Nick could muster.

Sara looked at him and smiled weakly. "I wish I had a family to call like you do. I wish I wasn't so scared of getting hurt that I kept friends to hand out with. I don't know why my did drank, but drinking is my release. It just lets me forget and since I don't have anyone around to hurt, it's ok."

Nick's face clouded slightly, "That's a sad excuse. What about work? One day, you're going to be too drunk to work and all you'll get is trouble. I don't think Sara Sidle is the kind of person to lose her job over a pitiful like she feels like she needs to drink away!"

"You don't know me. You don't know what's best for me!" Sara was getting angry. Nick looked around and saw that the other people in the tiny room were starting to stare. He quickly dropped several bills on the table and took Sara's hand. She realized this wasn't the place to argue so she allowed herself to be moved towards the exit.

As if in a movie, it had started to rain. The sun was completely hidden by the clouds as the rain fell like pebbles straight down due to the lack of substantial wind. Nick and Sara quickly made their way into the SUV and Nick started to drive towards Sara's apartment.

"Do you really think so little of your coworkers...of me...to think that we wouldn't want to help you?" Nick said in a flat tone. He pulled into a guest parking spot in Sara's complex and turned off the engine. "Don't you think we care about you? That we want to help you? I'm sorry what happened to your family. It's a shame that you didn't get a normal childhood. It's a shame you feel all alone."

Nick looked straight at Sara. He'd unbuckled his seatbelt and noticed Sara had done the same He also noticed her hand on the door handle. "It's a shame you don't let anyone get close to you so you can continue on the path your father started."

Sara opened the door and tried to get out, but Nick was prepared and took hold of her other hand. "Let me go, Nick! Let me go!"

Sara struggled until Nick let go of his grip. She stared at him for a brief second, wild-eyed and frightened. Then she rushed out of the SUV and headed towards the courtyard in the back of the complex. Nick quickly followed her. He found her sitting on a stone bench hunched over and crying. He ran to her and sat down next to his friend. Taking her into his arms, Sara struggled for a moment before just letting it all out.

As the rain continued to fall, they sat in silence in the darkened daylight, drenched, but neither cared. They didn't want to lose the connection that both had made. Finally, Sara moved under Nick's weight. Nick moved back slightly and adjusted his body on the bench.

"I was molested when I was nine." Nick said, breaking the silence. The rain started to stop and the sun was slowly creeping out through the clouds. "She was a last minute babysitter. I didn't know what to do, so I just let her. I never told my family. Only my counselor, Grissom, and Catherine know. And now you."

"Why me?" Sara said simply.

"Because you need to know that you're not the only one who feels alone sometimes. It's so hard to get close to women and have a real relationship. I scared I'll get hurt again. So I just have a one night stands. I hurt them to get back at that bitch who took my innocence." Nick's face became clouded again.

"Then I saw hell in the form of a plastic coffin. Sara, I wanted to die. I want to shoot myself and die." Nick and Sara's eyes met. Nick's looked sad and Sara's concerned. "But I started to think. I didn't want my life to end like that. I wanted to have a chance to live. Start really dating. Get married, have a family. I couldn't pity myself any longer. In the end, you're dead. That's it! There's nothing else you can do on this earth at that point. People are only going to remember what you did, not what you could have done. Get it?"

"It's sounds pretty, Nick. It really does. But what have you done since then. It's been almost a year and you'll still seemed trapped by your deamons. Sara's voice was bitter. "Can you really say you've done anything to change who you were before.

"Not on the outside, not yet." Nick replied. "But on the inside, I know what I want."

"So?" Sara stood up and faced Nick, "Inside, I know what I want too. But no one sees that. You just said when you're dead, that's it. You got your second chance, Stokes! Why don't you use it?"

"OK, I will." Nick stood up and in one swift movement, took Sara into his arms and kissed her.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own anything relating to CSI or it's affiliates. I am merely a fan whose would like to take already established characters into a story of my own rendering.

Heed

Chapter 3 Heed the Desire

At first, Sara was stunned. Nick, who was so insistent that he never have any relationship with a coworker, was not embracing her and kissing her. _Why me? Why now? I thought he might take up bungee jumping or something, not this. What do I do now?_ Sara's mind was racing with thoughts. She couldn't bare kissing him back without something more.

With that resolve, she gently pushed Nick back, causing him to release his lips from hers. Nick, still holding her somewhat, looked confused. "I thought you wanted me to go for what I was thinking inside that I should do?"

"I didn't realize you were thinking of kissing me." Sara said looking away so he couldn't see the redding of her cheeks.

But he did.

Nick let go of his hold of Sara and stepped away. "I'm not sure when it happened, Sara. Here I was, just making CSI level III and Warrick about to get fired because Grissom was bringing in some bitch to make sure that happened." He looked at Sara who's embarrassed look turned to disdain for why she originally came to Vegas.

Nick continued, "I was ready to hate you and give you a hard time." Nick turned his back on Sara. "But then I saw you. You were beautiful and nice and objective. You didn't want to intrude. It was just an assignment."

Sara's face started to go back to it's original shade, but she couldn't see Nick's face soften. His pause made her want to say something, but he started again.

"I liked you from the first moment we spoke. It was just an infatuation, I know. I had no idea how long you'd be here. Besides, I was too busy working on my own case to take too much notice and allow my feelings to deepen. Then you stayed. I was so impressed at how well you worked that I almost forgot how much you disliked Warrick. I thought of asking you out before you left town. But then Grissom said you were staying."

Nick turned to face Sara and moved closer to her. He needed her to read his eyes. Sara didn't protest or move away from her position. But she did want to say something before this got out of hand. "Nick, you don't..."

Nick stopped her with a hand over her lips, touching them lightly. "Please let me finish?"

Sara's small nod was all the confirmation Nick needed to conclude, "I was confused. Here was this hot, smart, fiery woman that I wanted to get to know better on an intimate level, but not she was going to be my coworker. I've dated coworkers before and when you break up, it's bad on everyone. So I just allowed myself the pleasure of occasionally working with you and flirting with you. I watched you obsess over Grissom and Hank. I tried to be a comfort without getting too close. I tried to keep you level so you would know when a and where it's ok to have personal in with professional."

Nick's eyes got slightly misty. "But then I was buried alive. You and the team found me. You visited me every day, just like when I'd been attacked by...that man..."

Sara knew he was talking about his stalker, Nigel Crane. She flinched with Nick at the thought of his painful past. "You've always been there for me like a good friend ought to be. I've tried to be there for you as well."

Nick was rambling now. It was time to put the cards on the table. He took a deep breath, then cupped Sara's delicate chin into his massive hand and smiled. "You know, I've tried not to like you. I've tried not to flirt with you. I've even tried to cheer for you and Grissom, but it won't do. Sara, please. I've had a thing for you since you came here to Vegas. I don't know how it'll work, but I'm willing to try. We can be professional at work. We have been so far. We can take it slow. Whatever you want."

"Why now Nick?" Sara asked. Her voice cracked a little, but she made no attempt to move from him this time. "Why me?"

"Because you're there. You've always been there. Every time I needed someone there, it was always you."

Sara's body started to tremble. "Nick, I've thought of you before, but I was always so stuck on Grissom. But I'm no good for him, or for you. I'm broken, Nick. I've seen the dark side of love. We both have."

Nick chuckled lightly. "Is that all? Honey, we're both broken."

There was no longer room for argument or discussion. Nick lifted Sara's head towards his and lightly touched her lips with his own. Sara did not protest this time as she responded to his kiss.

After only a few hours together, both their cell phones started to ring. Sara was the first to untangle herself from the legs, arms and sheets that made up the two CSIs and a bed. She reached over to her long forgotten jeans and found her cell phone still clipped on the side. Picking it up after the seventh ring, she finally answered.

Nick just laid still in his original position, amused.

"Sidle." Sara groaned into the phone. She was laying with her legs and hips still on the bed, while her upper body was hanging off towards the floor. It wasn't a comfortable position as the blood was starting to rush towards her head. But most calls on her cell phone only took a few seconds.

"Did I wake you?" Came Grissom's voice on the other side.

Sara just sighed into the cell. "Well you did say for us to get some rest."

Nick snickered lightly, but was quickly kicked in the shoulder. There was a silence on the other end. Sara prayed that Grissom hadn't heard Nick. "Well, be that as it may, I'm trying to get everyone here in about thirty minutes for a meeting. Can you make it?"

"Sure. I'll be there."

"Good. Hopefully Catherine's gotten a hold of Nick and Greg."

"I'm sure she did." Sara responded, kicking Nick again while she ended the call.

"No, that was just my neighbor's dog I'm watching. Kinda feisty." Nick said to his cell phone. He turned and gave Sara a coy smile. "OK, Cath. See ya in half an hour." Closing his phone, Nick gathered Sara in his arms and kissed her gently. "So are going to kiss and tell or is this our little secret?"

"Hmm. Let's keep it a secret for now. Besides, we still have a lot to talk about." Sara responded while placing her head on his chest.

Nick stroked her back lightly, enjoying the sensation of his rough hands on her soft skin. "Like what?"

"Like where this is going, Nick." Sara didn't move her head.

"Sara, I've waited a long time for someone who understood me and what I do. I want to explore every part of you and us."

"We have to stay professional at work. Break it to them slowly."

"They're CSIs. They might just figure this one out."

"Let's just wait and see, ok?" Sara looked up at Nick's smiling face. His chiseled features were a pleasant mixture of seriousness and playfulness. Nick was a man who worked hard and played hard. Sara considered her own features. She had frown lines and worry lines all over her face. But he made her smile like no one had in a long time. It was such a good feeling to hold him as more than a friend. It was time she started living her life for herself. Not just to appease her demons.

Nick saw her thinking hard and laughed. "Sara! These are our friends. They're not going to send us to jail for sleeping with each other, or dating for that matter."

Sara laughed too. "Well, all the girls in the lab might be kinda sad. Every intern we have just waits for you to even look in their direction."

"So? Interns come and go. Greg's the one who's going to be broken hearted." Nick replied, poking Sara in the belly.

The two laughed heartily at the thought of a brokenhearted Greg as they worked their way into some clothes. Nick went out to his Denali and brought back his extra set of jeans and a button down shirt. Sara dug in he closet to find whatever was comfortable. Once dressed, they enjoy a quick sandwich, gathered their cells phones, keys, and wallets and headed towards work.


End file.
